Need to be free

   i really think that i am on the verge of a mental break down,i really thinkin that i am crackin up.

My mate keep sayin that cos i am lack of sex haha,and tell me to get a gf,i think i am one of those melodramatic fools,neurotic to the bones.And i will never get a gf in my life again.

    Well if i do break down,then guess the only thing i can do is to fix it and make it runs againt,better,faster,smoother,and more efficient.

   Thats the best that i can do,so i better hold on!!

   It feels like my mind and my body has been invaded by some evil force and the me is hiding in the back of my brain.When i try to see whats going on,its like a big room of darkness and i am in the back of that room.And the door is closing,the light is dimming. But haha i do realise there are now more absolute amazing lookin girls start to appear,looks like fuckin actress and models,absolutely stunning,but i am totally switch to those things.

    I just wish that i can get absolutely rich,look after my parents,let them have a really nice life,then i will work for the ICRC,wake up really early to save people,when i am free,travel to desert on my own,to take nice photos,with my awsome bag,where there are endless sand dunes,the sun is dimming,orange on the right and i just walk slowly to the peak of the dunes,the only sound there is the wind,my legs sink slightly when i climb up the dunes.

    Then i just dig a hole and sleep.

     Then i seems like finally free,like connected to both the sky and earth.The body doesnt matter,as i exist spiritually.No contrain by desire of the body,no need to eat,drink,no emotions.

    Where existing is the same as not exist,where everything is nothing,where the place is full but empty.Complete i guess is what i am thinkin of,a land of finishness.free both to the body and the mind.

   

little iron man

     WOW crazy greatest distraction infront of me,haha a crossroad,i mean on the left,fuck am trying to control myself not to think bout it,cos if i think bout it then am gonna fall init.

   Guess just has to force myself on the path.

      I really need someone to be here to smack me on the face,think it would help a bit.

     I really start feelin the tiredness when i was in primary school now,u fall asleep straight away when are dazed.But still haha tonnes of works infront,literally metric tonnes.

     I still went thru it 6 years man,fuckin 6years,was a little iron man,i wish i am still an iron man.The person i once was,turned into this fool,this melodramatic fool.

       i mean haha was so similar to now tho,weird nearly a quarter of life is gone hahaha crazy.

   Well guess there wont be girls or love those bullshit in my life then,haha except focus,the determined little iron man.the pin-pointed focus lol

Basket case

      Know y i am alone now,cos people are selfish,well its just the truth.A song that totally describe me,but even i know,it wont make a difference.Cos no one would do anything or nothing can be done.

  Do you have the time to listen to me whine,about nothing and everything all at once.I am one of those melodramatic fools,neurotic to the bone,no doubt about it.

    Sometimes i give myself the creeps,sometimes my mind plays tricks on me,it all keeps adding up,i think i'm cracking up,or am i just paranoid or am i'm just fucked??

    I went to my mate,tell him about my dreams,he says its lack of sex thats bringing me down,i went to watch porn,i realize my lifes a bore,everyone said quit whining cos its bringing them down.

     Grasping to control,so i better hold on.............

Yer ok promise is a promise

    Funny Funny,YER U ARE FUNNY,GREAT LOL!!!!

   So u tryin to make my brain go thru a coaster ride???Mr. person who control my life??Person who live above the cloud?!

  Push me to the lowest point,then let me rise back,push me down again,then Boo pop my heart out??Yer????Cheer me up a bit and stuff??

    i mean what am i gonna say,except just sitting there and go .............................. yer wordless.

    My person,i am tired please,yer yer this is training to fight against temptation and desire and stuff,i know,i know,those got to hang on and COME ON and stuff.How can i hang on,if i wake up feelin crap,cant eat,hungry,stomach hurt and still u push my life to a crap point,yer yer determination,dedication. Cool Cool fine,just a tired,low,u know those days.just need a little talkin to let it out.

    Cool even arms and legs falls off,stomach is being disgest in in own juice,flies are flying around my face,yes i will still give my best,and sacrifice at the end.

   I am a man,i said it then i will make it real.Promise is a promise!!No joke!!

  Yer i know i just have to go thru it,i will bare with it.Laters

Not my fault,not my fault

   I just think its totally fuckin unfair,its not my fault ma,its tho fuckin evil people with their crude trap,fuckin cut my leg into half and u blame me,i mean i think its totally unfair!!

    It would be fair if u tell me to somehow to work and get those money back,i mean fine,i owe lots,i will work even harder then,how about 17 hours of work aday then,pay u back 300 in 2 weeks how about that.I have a brain as well but its just that they are fuckin sneaky,i know randomly have to pay 100quid is a lot but it really isnt my fault.Ok i promise,will make 200 quid back in 1 week back for you,with fuckin interest,how about that!!??

      How about 100% interest,pay u back 4000 pounds and pay off rent as well,yer no sleep but make 100 quid aday with fuckin uni.Its a good deal?? Yer i just try my fuckin best,wake up at 5.45am,work til 1.30 am.But i just hate the constrain,it just driving me crazy,there are already enough constrain.

       Its driving me crazy,oh fuck i remember now,what i promise to mr funny,what i said today,more bad luck and more shit drive the ability to face crap better.

  Yer sorry for fallin into a trap,which i didnt even see,yer will work harder,make the cash roll,Get first in degree and 100% in all test(1st priority),then make cash roll is all the rest,

  Peace out

My boat,The rescuer

      HAHA maybe becos of my stubbornness,this becomes my reason of success,when i was younger people thinks that i am crazy,now somepeople is afraid to talk to me,cos this i am now insane. Its not that i cant function as normal,its becos then i think something is right,i just go mental and get it perfected before i will stop,not matter i am ill,hasnt even for days,throwing up.Nomatter what,when a goal is set,nothing is have priority before it.

      This stubbornness has made me wake up 6am everyday,work until 11pm.It s becos of the stubbornness i can fight against tiredness,desire and pain,misery even loneliness combined with awful words from people after continous of trying and failing,its becos of this ,i will never give up.The feeling of success give me freedom,give me something i want,the breakfree on being controlled,both the body and the mind.Before i wanted to remove my sexual organ,cos it causes distraction but now,there is no need cos when every bit of energy is put into controlling myself to focus and work then it seems like,it had fallen off already.

      If there was no pain at first,there wont be a kick start,i do think everything is set but ur choice and how well u use ur chance makes the different,there wont be an end to sadness nor happiness,when u think its the end,hah its only the beginning .

       Now,i will be back on my boat,driven by the force of determination,dedication,sailing thru the sea of pain,challenge and sadness,yes there will be waves but dedication breaks thru them.And yes i do scared that the boat will break,and i will sink and drown,and yes i do afraid that i will be lost,but determination light up my path.I will sail thru all pain to save the people from the other side,save them from eternal misery,and i will keep goin forth and back,until the task is done or until i die.Will never give up,cos this is what i am born for.

 Sacrifice prevail!!

 Awsome!!! 

ARRRRRR a control in the body,a control in the mind

     The Clash is the best band on Earth!!!Somehow their rhythm,their lyrics,their exploding energy and the chaotic randomness of movement WOOOOOOOO fuckin awsome let out the inner me.Some how it feels like its penetrating the tought metal shell that contain my brain,it acts as a huge force to rip the metal open,and at the same time there is a lost of pressure and the real me rushes out.

     It feels awsome,to be able to just go absolutely crazy,a complete randomness process,movement of the mind,body,its like 20 million mental patient combined,cos all the pressure i have in normal days contain them inside me,i am never me,i am who i am is all because of my responsibility,the path that i have walked.I know that it does feel awsome to be able to be crazy,free,no control,yes a control in the body,a control in the mind,yes need to rebel,need to break thru.But if i just go crazy now,i will be totally fucked later,may well just hold it in for a little bit longer,then all burst out!!!!!!!!!Just like taking a shit,when u are not around a toilet but u really need to let the crap out,u wont just aggressively shit in ur pants,u will hold it in then when u find a toilet then yer let it burst out,fuckin drown in the feelin of relief,joy,freedom.The feelin of not being contained,controlled.The ability to choose.

    So Yer i am holdin it in hopefully,but the clash is like a Laxatives to my brain,sometimes it just burst out,completely crap my pressure from my head all over the place,feels so good,like took a big shit!!

       Well got to go back to crazy fuckin shit life now,like everyones else,fuckin contained,pressurized,FUCKIN SHIT,still will hold it in until the day,cant wait,if its too much then will shuff a cork up the fuckin ass and hold it in!!!!!!

Oh give me craft!!

    HAHAHA yer i am in an emotion tornado,in her way,i surely die,(from Apple dict.  a mobile,destructive vortex of violently rotation winds having the appearance of a funnel-shaped cloud and advancing beneath a large storm system)WOWOWOWOWO that's what my brain is in at the moment,a perfected visual description.

     The land of opportunity,the golden chance for me,my future looks so bright,now i think ive seen the light,Cant say whats on my mind,cant do what i really feel,in this life that made for me,is where i success,i really feel!!!

      ARRRRRRRRRRR is spinning my synapse to the brink of destruction,the tornado of the mind!!!!!!!!!!

       I am just fuckin holding on a concrete plate on the floor with the end of my finger nail,where blood is seepin,where the cells is tearing in between,the only force holding it in place is the extreme determination,and the ultra strong dedication.If i even think about snapping of the nails or i will never think about letting go,but if i even think about the nail snapping then ,i will fall into eternal darkness,all the sacrifice i made for all those long time will be wasted,vanished.Will force my eye lid to open in the blazing wind,focusing on success,never never be moved again,i need strength,please give me craft!!!!!!

    May i never be moved from my crazy determination again,please give me strength!!!!!!

      

Flight to perfection and beyond!!!!!

   I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard,handful of sadness but i cant help the fact that everyone can see these scars........So i let go,workin hard,turn your back like everyone does,face away and pretend i am not,but i'll be here cause dedication is all that i got.

     I am a little bit insecure,a little unconfident,cause u dont understand i do what i can but sometimes i dont make sense.!!!!!I CANT CONCENTRATION THE WAY I DID BEFORE!!

   Some where i belong,yep i was in confusion.Perfect lyrics to describe me now"What do i have but negativity,cause i cant justify the way,everyone is lookin at me,nothing to lose,nothing to gain,hollow and alone,and the fault is my own,and the fault is my own.""Every step that i take is another mistake to success"!!

    Really hahahahaha i think i am just too scared to lose control,i've been smothered hahaha,i need to fall,and fall and fall,yep i may end up failing too.but mum had holding me too tight,too afraid to lose control.

    What i have to do, yer go and brush ur shoulders off,ladies as pimps too go brush ur shoulders off lol.

       I heard a pile of work calling out my name,i had the feelin that my life would never be the same again,i turned my determination towards the barren sun!!!

    I know of the pain that u feel the same as me,and i dream of the droplet of success as it falls upon my hands.And the crack in my concentration like the crack upon the ground,they are sealed and are now washed away!!!!u tell me we can start the work,u tell me that we all can change,u tell me we can find something to wash my desire AWAY!!!!

   ARRRRRRRRRRR got to burst from a caterpillar to a eagle,a dragon,an invincible crazy awsome perfect thing,not even a person anymore,arrrrrrrrrrrr my blood is boilin like lava, hope urs is as well.PERFECTION HERE I COME,to PERFECTION AND BEYOND!!!!!!!!!!!

     

Weak EQ and little confusion and a little determination remix YER!!

   Fed cut had come and pass,50 point can never last,wake me up when recession ends!!!!!hahaha

  Oh my gdgerrfere,i am so .... bloody hell,i really do have to remind myself like every 5 sec that i am fighting against my last challenge"Keep that in mind,i designed this rhyme,to remind myself how i tried so hard,in spite of the way,failure and fear were mockin me,acting like i was part of desire and fear's property,i mean i still work so hard!!!

     I know u put ur trust in me,push it as far as i can go,and for all this,its only one thing u should know!!That i will never give up,i know u set my path and destiny haha i sometime do agree to what mother Theresa said,haha i know that she is at her limit but am i at my,or i am still a bit weak,if u wanna face it that way.

    well i dunno,i need more guidance,please i need my path a little more clear i think,well just like my design brief HAHAHA.what i shouldnt do,i know what i should do but is it that really got to put all 100% time into all focus work?????

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ok fine cool at this time,this song this lyrics and u said this,i guess u mean it LOL!!I will go away!!!haha

      Maybe i just need a little boost of testosterone,to make me focus like Ford FOCUS,perfect the body and the mind. 

    A little more help would be good,mr person who live above those clouds,but haha i mean i know that i ask that then u gonna make it harder hahahah,i know,u funny man,i really like that humor of urs,its not that it raise me up,It actually is IT CRACK ME UP!!! LOL

     KK will get back to work now!!!!Laters world,laters emotions,laters desire but sorry i got to overlook u and ignore u now.Bye bye,have a nice time being alone lol thats what i had been thru and will be inorder to achieve the best!!

   

Thanks who ever u are!!!!!Thank you.

   HAHAHAHAHA i thought i am funny,but just realized,the dude who live above the clouds he has big humor inside him.He really likes to make people think doesnt he hahahaha.

   Fight against temptation right,hahhaha thats what i wrote.and it comes true after how many days.Lucky that i had a bloody hot shower,to bloody wake me up!!!!Or otherwise i will miss his message,haha u funny man,i know u trying to help,and yes i will focus and work hard hahaha,i know,no focus,no tiredness,no pain,no sweat,no pressure,no upset,no concentration,no determination,no dedication, there wont be gain would there.Haha it seems a little unfair but still,it isnt.and it totally worth it.

    I realised temptation would be my last challenge but i really didnt know that,it so hard to realise temptation,u would just fall into it straight away.Lucky,well is more than lucky or i dont know.is it that it was a message or just luck.But i had awaken from the temptation when i was fallin into the nice feathery bed and told me to dream on,but i smack myself on the face and woke the fuck up and just got back to my path to glory.Still NO COMPROMISE,no pain then no success.

    WOW cant believe i grown up so much but awsome,this is how i prove i am on the right path,i was a kid scared to speak infront of people.but today i am not even scared to put my hand up in a 500 people lecture hall, with so many stranger around cos i know that if i hesitate then i will lose chance to learn inorder to help me success.So AMAZING BRAIN please guide me support me,stay by my side,wake me when i am falling.stay with me until we arrive in glory and depart from the world.

   well people believe in Buddhism will thank buddha,people believe in god will say amen.

  Well i will just say AWSOME.to thank them all.thanks if i success,i will sacrifice my hard work to save people,to bring them out from pain but u got ot remind me tho lol just incase i forget.

  AWSOME!!!!

   

yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???????????????????????

   Oh for fuck sake,i am so confused.Is it that even you know something is gonna fail stil got to try,even a man with no legs he still got to try to run??So fuckin confused,is it that by never giving up even it leads to nowhere,just by trying will create it own purpose of trying???

    Or is it becos future is something that hasnt happened so anything is possible so u got to try until it becomes a fact??

    Is it that even i am fuckin tired,fuckin upset,fuckin lonely and want to give up and be a coward and no one is by my side to support me but still i cant give up and still give the fullest be brave and determined.Is this what i have to do.Is it that even i am not sure what the fuck i am doin,i still have to give my best,even the road ahead is so unclear,i still have to light it up with my will???  I really want to know is it what i have to do,or is it just my responsiblity??Or is it my fate,my destiny??

     I want to know,i want to know.I want to know so many things,i want to know answer of which a question could be asked,i want to know y red is red,y blue is not red,y we dont call tree dfghldsf or aepworjewio even.y computer has to look the way they are,y there are horrible people on Earth.Y there is sadness,loneliness and y sometimes there are joy and love.Y am i askin y,even y am i not sitting there and not askin y.

     I am very tired but do i just have to let out my ability 100%,i am scared of what it will be like.I am scared if it is out of control.Am i just a coward or too lazy or is there anymore reason to explain this.

     Answer where are you??Answer should we meet up tomorrow and u can tell me all about urself.

running crazily on a dark wet path alone

  Oh bloody hell,i just cant concentrate anymore,this is my limit,fuckin hell,the activity that i am doin now,extreme sitting.I am extreme bored,i can only keep myself happy by a continuous absorption of knowledge but at this moment,i am too tired but i cant sleep yet cos if i sleep too early then will affect the sleep patteren which will affect my learning and will reduce my workin efficiency and will affect my money makin.

    Poo Bum Shit Fuck,cant even make myself to concentrate to work,fuck sake.I know this is sat night,everyone is out drinking and shit,but i am not everyone,i am the perfectionist,no time should be wasted.Those people can fuck themselves up but i wont.They can rot as usual.Until they turn into methane and burn.

    I am just a little lonely as i want to achieve the best,which makes me the odd one out.When people are playing,i am reading,when people are sleepin,i am workin,when people are missing lectures,i am goin to extra,when people are sitting and watchin tv,i am buying and sellin stocks.

    I know i will success but this path is draining me,its threatening me,its bullying me.Fuck him,fuck off,guess just got to ignore him,or even be nasty to him.Beat him by determination and dedication. But it seems like this is a path which is 20 million miles long,that goes all the way to the end of the universe.But still even every single happiness disappear on Earth,i still will never give up cos i am gonna make my own happiness.If there is no path,then i will built mine.

    Well guess i am one of those crazy man,yes those successful crazy man.

Crazy brain juice

       Amazing,amazing,amazing,just realise how crazy a brain can be,especially mine LOL,well i guess mine works like Vista,when there are some problem or something not good in the brain,it will automatically find a way to show a way by itself to notice me to learn how to solve it.

     For example last night,had a crazy dream,only just realise had this very similar dream for year,only just realise last night the meaning of it.

     All the people i know from England,some might be related to sadness,from might be havent seen in ages,they all appear in my primary school. When i was still lying on my bed,i just know that i have to write this post,to remind myself in later days even when i forget,i can still see to help me to improve.

    It is a combination between to place ad people,y ,is the reason to ask,primary school reminds me of pressure,craziness and a major part of my life spent,and y i am myself.And placing people with sadness and will cause fear in means that,its nothing,cos even those sadness are really sad,its only a friction of a time in life,which they dont matter at all.

    They are nothing,and this is why in my dream they always seem far away,to represent small,a friction but they are still always there cos,i am so stuborn that i always think those people are still there even they had vanished long ago.

     Ctrl S things that worth saving,del things that are useless.Love crazy things,love crazy brains.

My beauty,my love,my D40x

   Oh my,i am so excited,when i think about u,my heart beat goes crazy like a roller coaster,my hands cant stop sweating,my mind goes all weird.I just cant keep u out from my head. i welcome u my darling,my gorgeous D40x,hope that u will be my partner for life.A relationship that will never break.Oh my, my beautiful,u has the most vibrant color that i have ever seen.So crisp,so delicate,so beautiful.There are nothing that i can see in you are not perfect,just looking at you makes me dizzy,feels all drunk,u are a drug to me,i will care about you,look after you forever until death departs us.

    I will keep u in ur nicest clothe,ng2345,which is so well made and designed.To protect ur angle like body,so fragile.But i will still go everywhere with you,be with you every second.To see things together and will capture all our moments,and not any of the memory fade.Will look back at the beautiful images that we have captured together even when our body fade away.

     I feel complete with you,where i do not worry or afraid,us just the two,to be surround inside our own world,a world with vibrant colors and vivid dreams,where trees dance,and pencil thinks,there are no limit.I will help you with all u need,even 18 by 300mm or changing ur ISO,making our memory perfect.

     I will care for you like a born baby,u are like an angel,u are amazing,u will always be there,to listen,to see with me,you are the best companion,best partner,my beauty,my D40x.

   All my love to you.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

rest if u must but never quit

    Got to fuckin fight against desire,last part of the challenge,been thru bitterness of the mind,been thru stress on the body.And now(drums ) thirst of desire,got to have the mental strength,even how tired i am,how sleepy i am,got to stay awake and concentrate and work,even there is a hot girl,dont even look,got to concentrate to for work.

    Have to have a clear mind even tiredness is threatening my mind,fuck ,fuck ,fuck when confusion is striking the brain,then fuckin smack the face wake the fuck up,drag myself back from the evil hand of desire.

      Has to go thru pain,to become tough,just like a sword.Has to be battered,has to be trained,has to transform thru harsh training of the mind,inorder to become the best.

      Has to grow up,when problem occur,analysis it,solve it,doesnt work,do it again,dont fuckin run away,or become a kid and just start bein stupid.Do it until its done.JUST FUCKIN DO IT.

   And yes the path is gonna be horrible,ur mind is gonna be ripped apart,its gonna go thru fire and lots of awful things,and there will come a man call GIVE UP,and he will ask u to go with him to a land nice and relax,but dont forget what ur mum said,"Dont listen to strangers".

       Be weird say to him fuck you,i like harsh environment,and one day,someday,its will seems very very long away,and u will become the unbreakable.If u think u can,u can.Believe in urself,rest if u must but never quit!!

LAYSER EYE MAN DUDE...... PERSON

   Yo everyone,yer its 6.20 in the morning and yes i am working already,fuckin numbers already juming on the screen.I am already luring cash to flow in my wallet.When everyone is asleep,when people are still drunk,i as usual has already awaken.

      Tiredness tried to negotiate with me before,ask me to wake up a little later,tellin me i am sleepy,sickness tried to threaten me,sadness tried to drag me away from work but what did i do??

I looked them in the eyes,i wasnt angry,was calm like a table,but i screamed in their face FUCK OFF.and i just got up 1 min after the alarm when off,jumped out from the bed and shower and starts workin.

    Yer this is control,this is discipline,this is determination.I am finally doin it.This is what i am better than others,not workin hard but to foresee the future like LAYSER EYE MAN(yer i know he doesnt foresee future but ...yer).If i dont work hard now,then will have to suffer the whole life,so laters got to get back to work.

female is like traps,50 didnt die with 9 shots,hope he wont be screwed over by bithes

      Damn,just realise or remember even, even how amazing a man can be,how rich,how powerful,how clever,how amazing,how strong,how perfected he can be,still there is a weakness,becos of this weakness,many success man are screwed over,i guess i dont have to do the drum thing and count fuckin 3,2,1 if i have to do that then fuck off,u dumb shit,so i hope u know,its woman.

   Even the greast empire,can be screwed over,would 50 be???I wonder.So i am here to tell u,when u are at ur lowest point in life,u want to die and think its a living hell,nothing can be worst,then hang on cos THINK if it cant get worst,then it only can get better.Hang on until the shit is through then u will success,just like 50(fuckin got shot 9 fuckin times,and in the face as well).     When u are pimping,fuckin slick,then dont be so arrogant cos u be arrogant then u will be totally fucked over.It really depends on u,wanna taste sugar first or shit first!!Ofcourse shit,i am fucked in the head,i like goin thru shit,and more shit and more shit,and at the end,shit might just taste like apple or chicken even lol.that ur ability to take pain is so vast,that u might feel itchy if i cut ur arm off and put salt on it.

    Everyman has the possiblity that might be screwed over by woman cos its in the gene that they want to mate,sexual intercourse,fuck or shuff the cock in the pussy,how ever u wanna say it .But there is one person,i read about before,one of the most successful person in history,he was really success cos he doesnt have a cock.so he can achieve lots or not get fucked over.

   But i have one so,i do have to think like a wolf.Eat like u never eat before even u are full.Learn like u never learn before,Sleep like u never gonna sleep again.Structure,control.Its like a unpredictable sea out there,only trust urself.Believe and fuckin go for it.Remember things change,dont forget all the hard work u have done,u have gone so far,work hard,dont hold on,u will be tired,try ur best and go with the flow.

Work hard,and work hard and success

   I really dont wanna fall in that trap again,seeing couples holdin hand to hand,which totally limit ur work to expand. There are so much to do and there are so much to lose,but its all like a balance,a choice of throwing something away.

    Its better to spend time to say some funny shit rather than involve with those crazy shit,which totally fucks up ur brain.And at the end only sadness remains.

      

    Always thought the world gonna be nice and people are with love and care,where u can have someone to lean onto,but as there are more entertainment and luxury in life,the moral starts collapsing,this is when it starts pissing me off.It raise my anger,y y y y y y y y the moral has to be like this or maybe its fucked all the time,fuckin STD and alcohol fucked people for millions years maybe,but i am just gonna live my way,where like a lotus,something awsome but was raised in the dirt.Follow the path of nelson,martin,mohandas.Even its gonna made me lonely or separate me from the rest,still i aint gonna fall and eat shit and drink piss and fuckin snap my fingers backward cos everyone is doin it,cos i just dont think its right.I am still gonna live my way cos my way is the highway.Work hard,study hard and never give up,this is y my ego just keep growing and growing cos when other people are playing,having fun,partying,my knowledge and ability to success is just expanding.I mean what is the point to go to clubs and drinks anyway,fuckin pointless,what is it gonna affect positively after u've been,and its fuckin shit. 

    Way to go,cash to flow!!When i start flying,becoming international and those people always drinks lots of alcohol and waste time and party all the time,all those people,they will regret.Time will tell.

    Determination Prevail!!!!!

    Sometimes i feel angry,sometimes i am really frustrated,sometimes i am amid by sadness and regrets,sometimes i am drown within loneliness or hatred may prevail,and there can be times where just thinks or maybe know there isnt a point in a living.But do not constrain the sadness of things that u are upset about,if u are sad,lets feel sad,if u hold it in,its gonna come back and haunt u later,just like terminator(I will be back),and terminator may not come back,cos he will be molten,but emotion will def come back for you.

   

 I mean even tho i dont think about sad things,horrible things but still, they appear in my dreams,evoke from the hard disc  in your head,from a part deep deep inside the walldrobe of bad feelings. Sometimes i really dont know what to do with the whole walldrobe of them,dont really think i can take them to Oxfam and fuckin donate it,can i!!

   

    Well i guess shit feelings are needed,inorder to make us appreciate the goodness that we have.Cos if dont,then we wont have comparison. I guess u can either remove all the emotions,or live with the shit and hope for the good.Its all a matter of choice.

Shut the fuck up alcoholic bitches and dicks

Holy shut the fuck up,those noisy fuckin cunts.They just get fuckin drunk and be fuckin loud,just really want to battered their face in with heavy iron bar.Why cant they just be quiet.Oh my word,what is the point for them to be here,if they just get drunk and fuck around,fuckin do it somewhere else.It really dont makes a difference if they are here or not,as they dont work anyway.And just fuckin drink alcohol all the time,why dont they just inject it into their veins and their fuckin bloodstream.Fuckin bathe in it,drink it,inject it,soak it in the eyes,pour it in the ass,squeeze it between the fingernails.It just annoys me so much(people with alcohol)and fuckin parties.Fuckin pointless life,wish they have STD and alcohol problems and spread the STD between them  and grew it all on the face and melts their limbs together and harden liver and dont die and suffer.Great they have shut the fuck up now,not by me or my iron bars!!!!No it wasnt me!!Laters twats

bullshit post

Sometimes just need a little laughter in life,think of crazy ways to describe reality which makes pain feels like i dont know,no pain maybe.Little thinkin of loneliness,its like ohhhh i feelin down,am lonely sitting in my room by myself,just think about that girl(if u heard about her before)who sat on the sofa for so long just eat crap(literally shit from the anus)and dont do nothing else,and she sat there for so long,and starts to piss and shit in her pants(NICE!!!!Must smell like rotting banana with moulding crabs in)and her skin melts into the sofa at the end.

   LOL funny isnt it,makes ur life seems so much better.And like my room is like a little oven,cos i never open the windows,guess y,cos i am scared of the cold air,it keeps trying to attack me with its coldness.

   Life becomes more colorful with laughter, like pouring paints on a clown(more colorful life with laughter).Or breaking ice between people,well maybe not that one.Y do u want to do that.Its nice to laugh on ur own.lol.Fuckin hell i dont know why the fuck am i writing this,trying to be cool or be clever or fuckin intellectual  or something.sorry my mind is goin weird again.Laters

 P.S. sorry this post is absolute bullshit

A series of unfortunate events,bloody hell dont really know to laugh or to be grumpy. Only know that person who live after those clouds is funny,he has some humor in him.And the clever thing is that he knows when to stop,lol.Today is like a domino of unfortunate events.Well things like wanna eat some chicken which i thought i put in the freeze but found out was in the fridge for 5 days,was like FUCK its turning black,but still cooked it anyway who cares.And when i was coming back in to get my phone was like FUCKIN GREAT got sauce all over the carpet(from the chicken).It must be like triggered by tiredness and just an outburst of unfortunate shit.Hopes it stops here for now. Or i will start doin a cold laugh Fuckin loud alone in my room,like i dont know how to say,maybe like watchin a comedy in a freezer or in Antarctica.

     I used to hate being inside or drowning by loneliness but now i feel its like hiking alone climbing crazy high mountains with Swiss alpes in the background lol,cool tall trees and shit like that.But today is really quite,yer really lonely but dont feel lonely just weird,as i worked on my own totally from 11 then hasnt talken to people then or seen people.But fuckin it, who cares!! like who would care if i ate drink water now,yer u get the point,laters

    

ego,eagle,ego,eagle

Ego,what really is ego,is it like eagle,or does eagle has lots of ego.Cos my mum keep saying i need to control my ego.On one hand i am always scared,y??Feels like survival instinct controls me,likes those nuclear power plants with lots of buttons in.And on the other hand,i have a gigantic ego inside me,like so big which can crush Earth like Olympus Mons on Mars.Feels like i am gonna be someone big,i can feel that i will be rich and success.No i dont feel it,i know it.I always been lazy but when i worked hard,i am always better than most of the people and now i choose to work really hard maybe this is y i think i am gonna be big.

  But as i work harder and harder,there are lets and lets people around me,i guess only solitude can lead to glory,but that really does fuck my mind up sometimes.My mind is contradicting itself(myself).Like eating m & m s with ketchup,something like that,that 50 cent song does describe what i feel,not saying which one but,i feels that i know lots of people and have friends but they dont really know me,not the real me,and when there is really a person knows me,then will leave me.Can i really find a ground which i will feel comfy??

 

girl called david,and mental dude try to calculate god in maths LOL

Fuckin hell,lol fuckin funny,he is doin maths with unverisal set and he talk about god,hahahahah must be really fucked in the head with numbers.Fuckin funny,some real mental illness can appear if u think too much.Really think i should stop thinkin this much.

    It's so weird as i came back really happy after work,now i am just getting more down and down.

Am just listening to the radio,so weird fat fat(happy nut),the actress,or celebrity died today.May her RIP.Its really really weird to my head that in my whole childhood i grew up with her laughing in the tv and today she just vanished from Earth.

    Is life really this(dont really know how to say),is like a joke,a person can die this easily.sometimes i dont even know am i dreaming,as i get more tired and my eyes go blury.

  Some times,i am brighten up with fuckin weird people that appears randomly in my life,fuckin awsome,something like a girl called David and stupid shit like that.awsome.laters

By the way my name is jonathan Mckoley(the person who is running in the forest),not me who is writing.Or maybe u can say that i am describing the journey of little jony(everyone calls him jony).He is white,about 8 years old,has an interest in reading and very inquisitive about nature and always wonder why trees are so tall.  If i can,i will tell u more about little jony's journey and where he is now.Laters mate

Was thinkin last night about the last thing that i wrote,about me inside a forest. But i realised it wasnt the full picture,as i was in the forest,feeling scared,someone came along.Because of the appearance of people,well maybe a person,suddenly bought warm and light to the forest,and made it a nice garden,leaves became greener than ever,white lilies started appearing everywhere.Fruits started hanging down the trees,birds started singing and it seems like a sweetness of peace is in the air,and what makes me feels me lonely anymore is the sun that shine in my eyes and animals fuckin behind bushes (lol not really this one).But as i was led along by that person, walkin,striding away from the forest(think i was out as well from the time the person appeared).The person just suddenly said i have to go,that warm smile hanging from his/her(i cant see the person and hear but i feel his/her existence) suddenly turned into an evil laugh,then the person just vanished(pretty good washing powder),leaving me there in the most scared,afraid that i have ever been,screaming inside my head,i suddenly started growing and i have no choice,i have to grow inorder to survive,fight against evil animals.

   I really thought that i grew up and can live in the forest by myself but i realize i cant,i am still really scared.thats y i just stood up and run to the magnetic pole of the greatest possible solitude. and i am still on the path running and its tiring,tries to fool myself,blindfolding myself with the cold wind that brush across my face,hoping as my vision becomes blurry,i will not scrutinize the memory chip in my brain to evoke the scared and anger from within.

    Running with a blindfold on and hope will break free but not from the forest but yet from Earth.

it's too late t'apologize

Just suddenly feels like writing to express my inner desire which is contained by fear,it feels like i am in a house inside a forest,dark,very dark,i can barely see the dark green leaves(its all the picture i can see in my eyes but are all my imagination) tall,tall trees.Am just sitting there,well holding my knees,shivering,afraid,worried.But from what???I dont even know.As i gets more afraid,i try to exclude myself more but i gets more afraid from loneliness.i am sitting at the bottom on a tall tree.U might think the tress represent protection but it doesnt,it's just a stranger passing by,maybe even just standing there. i still there stuck, afraid.And i just screamed loudest as i can,feels like my voice cord is cracking into dry salt blocks,like a sand belt vibrating.FUCK.and i just stood up and run,pumps with adrenaline,my hearts is pumping so fast.It went blank,all white,sharp,then i just disappeared.Thats what i am feeling now inside my heart,not in my brain.

tiredness can kill

Tiredness can kill,stop workin. i mean holy fuck i am so tired,it feels like tiredness made gravity tries to rip my body away from my head,lol no joke.It aint funny,been workin since 6am,just got back by 5.15pm.Lucky Dow jones isnt openin tonight,fuckin president holiday thing.God bless washington,even i dont believe in god,but still bless him.I dont even have enough energy to cook,if i was the old me then i would say,it would be so nice if i have someone to hug me when i am back from work all tired. Now,i would say,fuck it,i am fuckin tired,lets do some more press up,then more work.

   Fuck it i cant be bother to type laters.

Workin on Mars??

Its so weird,i am eating breakfast and working at the same time,and in this time period my brain is feelin really scared,lost about where would i be workin in a few years time.As i didnt grow up as where my family locate.So i was a little worried that if i work in HK then i cant see my friends in UK.But suddenly a very strange thought rocketed thru my mind. I might be workin in Africa as an aid worker in a few years time or i might be workin on Mars,u never know.And these ridiculously strange thoughts does certainly give me a temporary comfort,to take away the pointless worries that i have.Cool Cool another day of 16 hours work(well as usual).Just thinkin about it makes me tired,so just lets work and not think!!Ta ta sauce

Fuckin hell,my brain

Holy shit man,i think i am turning split minded.Fuckin thinkin too much,does anyone think what they are goin to say before they say it??cos like i fuckin think what i am gonna say then i fuckin say something back to myself,like shit i need to see someone LOL.No joke.

  Am so fuckin lost,dont even know y am i writing on here LOL.Like the fuckin shit tv program,LOST,those random fuckers doin jackshit in a random island,then sell for millions.and just keep playing and playing and keep getting longer as well.yer i mean the people watching it must be LOST too.

  U know what is good tv program,teletubbies ,fuckin gay actor(no offense to gay people,i love gay people)in a child tv program dressed up in purple costume and call himself what the fuck and walk around and pretend he has a tv in his stomach,and that is fucked up.even i am a kid i wont watch it.i bet its some rich sick minded fuck want to fulfil their weird obsession,with tv,kids,and speaking stars and all merge together,but the important thing is that he must be retarded.Great just typed a pile of bullshit,thanks for wasting your time!!!!And you are welcome!!!!

read it if u want to,fuck off if u dont

 Firstly,i have to say sorry to the people reading this blog,as i just cant stop fuckin swearing,as i am just(really dont know y)always get fuckin pissed off so easily.And i am those odd one that never show it and always hang a fuckin big smile on the face. Weird huh!!??LOL

  May be that no one would ever read this blog,but do hope this will give me a platform to fuckin diarrhea out my anger,as in the dictionary from Mac book pro explain it as a condition in which feces are discharged from the bowels frequently and in a liquid form,fuckin NICE lol.I mean who the fuck explain it like that.So yer,whatever cool shit,dont really know what to write to end this ,anyway,laters mate